Hey . . . God

Shortly after high school I left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons).  Over the past couple of decades I’ve compiled a laundry list of questions and issues convincing me Joseph Smith Jr.’s story and church are bogus.  Following is my take on why and how he adopted polygamy.  Intereated in details?  Check out Doctrine and Covenants Section 132.


Hey . . . God

From Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph, to Moses from a burning bush and Saul on the road to Damascus, God spoke to His chosen.  Basically ignorant regarding scripture and theology, I can’t say how often the Old-timers “saw” the Big Guy “in the flesh”.  In the early nineteenth century; however an upstate New York farm boy, Joseph Smith Jr., struck up a face-to-face acquaintance with not only Angels and Jesus Christ but God Almighty Himself.  As recounted in The Church of Latter Day Saints canon, (Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price) Joseph and God seem to have chatted frequently on a first-name basis.

Joseph: Hey . . . God.
God: ‘sup Joe?
J.: I been thinkin’.
G.: I know.
J.: In the Old Testament Solomon was your prophet, right?
G.: Okay?
J.:  Now, I’m Your Man.
G.: Go on.
J.: And Solomon, he had all those wives, whose conkiebines.
G.: You want to fornicate.
J.: No, well, I mean  .  .  .
G.: I see you eyeing the sweeties.  You want to fornicate, Joe.
J.: Hey it’s a big job down here, deliverin’ Your word.  It ain’t easy.     People criticizing,      threatening.  It’s a lonely job.
G.: I hear ya Joe.  I was there.  You’d feel less alone if  you had  .  .  .    companionship.  Hopping in bed with one of My maidens now and then would ease the stress.
J.: Right!
G.: Go ahead Joe.  Fornicate all you want.
J.: Gosh thanks  .  .  .  But there’s a problem.
G.: Emma.
J.: Yeah Emma.
G.: You tell little Emma keep her bloomers on.  This is a man thing.
J.: Right!
G.: You, and the Brethren too, you can fornicate with, oh something like say ten virgins, and not sin.  Call it My “everlasting covenant.”  Break it you’re sunk!  That’ll keep the wives quiet.  Write it up Joe.  Tell ’em I said so.
J.: Thanks God, thanks a lot!
G.: Anytime Joe.