Hey . . . God

Shortly after high school I left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons).  Over the past couple of decades I’ve compiled a laundry list of questions and issues convincing me Joseph Smith Jr.’s story and church are bogus.  Following is my take on why and how he adopted polygamy.  Intereated in details?  Check out Doctrine and Covenants Section 132.


Hey . . . God

From Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Joseph, to Moses from a burning bush and Saul on the road to Damascus, God spoke to His chosen.  Basically ignorant regarding scripture and theology, I can’t say how often the Old-timers “saw” the Big Guy “in the flesh”.  In the early nineteenth century; however an upstate New York farm boy, Joseph Smith Jr., struck up a face-to-face acquaintance with not only Angels and Jesus Christ but God Almighty Himself.  As recounted in The Church of Latter Day Saints canon, (Doctrine and Covenants, Pearl of Great Price) Joseph and God seem to have chatted frequently on a first-name basis.

Joseph: Hey . . . God.
God: ‘sup Joe?
J.: I been thinkin’.
G.: I know.
J.: In the Old Testament Solomon was your prophet, right?
G.: Okay?
J.:  Now, I’m Your Man.
G.: Go on.
J.: And Solomon, he had all those wives, whose conkiebines.
G.: You want to fornicate.
J.: No, well, I mean  .  .  .
G.: I see you eyeing the sweeties.  You want to fornicate, Joe.
J.: Hey it’s a big job down here, deliverin’ Your word.  It ain’t easy.     People criticizing,      threatening.  It’s a lonely job.
G.: I hear ya Joe.  I was there.  You’d feel less alone if  you had  .  .  .    companionship.  Hopping in bed with one of My maidens now and then would ease the stress.
J.: Right!
G.: Go ahead Joe.  Fornicate all you want.
J.: Gosh thanks  .  .  .  But there’s a problem.
G.: Emma.
J.: Yeah Emma.
G.: You tell little Emma keep her bloomers on.  This is a man thing.
J.: Right!
G.: You, and the Brethren too, you can fornicate with, oh something like say ten virgins, and not sin.  Call it My “everlasting covenant.”  Break it you’re sunk!  That’ll keep the wives quiet.  Write it up Joe.  Tell ’em I said so.
J.: Thanks God, thanks a lot!
G.: Anytime Joe.

One thought on “Hey . . . God

  1. Joseph Smith and the practice of polygamy is something that I have studied very extensively. I have studied just about everything written by members of the church as well as those who oppose it.

    I’m not entirely sure what the purpose of this short excerpt is. It seems to be an ill humored attempt to discredit Joseph Smith by creating a fictional dialogue meant to misrepresent his character, the source of his revelations, and the faith of others. There is no substance whatsoever and it is entirely prejudicial and void of probative value.

    Since this is a topic of which I have studied heavily, I would love to engage in an in-depth discussion on the matter. I could write books discrediting the false sources and explaining the misrepresentations and misunderstandings. However, for the interest of time, I will share only one excerpt which suggests that the totality of the evidence discredits the “Joseph Smith invented polygamy because he was a sexual fanatic” theory.

    The following excerpt was written by George Bernard Shaw. He was certainly no Latter-Day Saint, however, he wrote the following after studying in-depth the life of Joseph Smith and the claims of his critics::
    “Now nothing can be more idle, nothing more frivolous, than to imagine that this polygamy had anything to do with personal licentiousness.”
    Even non-Mormons who truly study the history come to the same conclusion that the practice of polygamy had nothing to do with sexual lust.
    I truly believe that anyone who takes the time to read the statements of critics ALONG WITH the responses and actual historical materials will come to the same conclusion, even if they don’t believe Joseph Smith was an actual prophet.

    Please talk to me if you ever have questions about the church. I hope I have not offended anyone, however,I have a strong testimony of the truthfulness of what Joseph Smith proclaimed: that Jesus is the Christ and that he lives and speaks today. Moreover, I have written hundreds of pages and collected mountains of research backup what I believe. I would be happy to share information with anyone interested in learning more.


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